Vanessa writes:
"Being wrong is not some kind of crime, but we seem to have this irrational fear of it-- thus we must declare it in advance. Being right is not some kind of crime, but we're afraid of it-- thus we must never act as if we're sure. After all, it's they that speak with conviction who we roll our eyes at, as if it's smarmy, nerdy, arrogant. Confidence is not always arrogance."
Personally, when I chose academia I thought I would be more "wizard behind the curtain" flitting about in dusty archives and writing my criticisms in a sunny back room some where. Not, getting up in front of my peers and putting myself and my work on public display. Oops.
I still, two years in, have the tendendancy to try and self depricate in the classroom and at conferences. I am making the resolution to stop that and as Vanessa might say speak with conviction!
Good! I've noticed that women, more than men, do this (although not exclusively.) I notice this not only in presentations at conferences, but also in things like application letters for jobs and grants. Men aren't as troubled broadcasting their greatness, but women are more often hesitant and concerned about self-promotion. I think that one way my own hesitance manifests is when I'm explaining something, I often worry that I make no sense, so I will ask, "Does that make sense?" Whether it does or not is not actually as relevant as the fact that I assume I don't make sense! Ugh, mind games we play with ourselves!
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